« Suicide by Dozer | Main | Justice? »
March 18, 2005
Murder Most Foul
Today, someone asked me the question. "If you were Terri, would you want to live like she does?"
I am sure we have all speculated on that question, in deciding what we think Terri's fate should be, we all try to apply the conditions to ourselves. Or, at least we think we do. We make living wills, not knowing what the future holds and we choose to live or die in certain situations.
Reality is another thing.
In 1998, I had a brain tumor. A big brain tumor. A brain tumor the size of a man's fist. It took up one third of the room in my head. Although I had headaches for years, severe headaches, I never once complained to my doctor. I figured, what did I want with pain killers and the like, so, I just suffered through them. Silly me, and all that time, the tumor grew. And grew. It is amazing how much pain you can tolerate when it starts small and just grows. You learn to live with it, or I should say, I learned to live with it.
Finally, I reached the critical stage and after three days of the most severe pain I have ever endured, I complained to my doctor.
With a brain tumor that size, you don't have any options. It was surgery right away, or as soon as they can get the swelling down enough to open up my skull without it exploding. It was that, or, die. I am not ashamed to say it was the most frightening two weeks of my life.
I had plenty of pain killers to dull the pain and the fear, still, I was terrified. What if something went wrong? What if I came out of the operating room unable to care for myself any longer? What if I lost the ability to think, to respond, to move?
In 1998, I faced that reality. Decisions had to be made. Real decisions, based on the reality of this thing in my head. I had been afraid to die and suddenly, I was afraid to live.
So, I made the decision. I had no choice. When faced with a very real possibility of being severely disabled as a result of the surgery to remove the tumor in my head, I made my decision.
It was a highly personal decision, and I don't like talking about it. But because of Terri, who is dying even as I write these words, I will talk about it. Because of Terri, who will spend the next week dying, I will talk about it. Why? Because I can and Terri cannot.
I do not claim to know Terri's mind, her thoughts, her wants, or what her decision might be. I speak for myself, for a decision I made when faced with the very real possibility of living my life as Terri lives hers.
I decided that, if you breathe, you have life. I decided that if G-d saw fit to give me breath, to give me life, I should breathe and I should live. I decided that if G-d saw fit to take my breath, to take my life, I should die. Basherte.
As long as I could breathe on my own, let me live as G-d sees fit. Sustain me. If I could not breathe on my own, if G-d took my breath, let me die.
I decided that if G-d gave me breath, and therefore, gave me life, if I then asked my loved ones to take that life by any means, that would be suicide, and, it would be asking my loved ones to do murder.
I decided that I would not commit suicide under any circumstances and I would not ask my loved ones to do murder under any circumstances. I left my life in G-d's hands, where it has always been.
That was my decision, and I thank G-d it was mine to make.
G-d has given Terri the gift of life.
Terri is now being murdered. Slowly, but surely, by her "husband," by a judge, and yes, by each and every one of us who sit idle while her life is taken from her.
Posted by LindaSoG at March 18, 2005 10:45 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.lindasog.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/1029
Comments
Linda I was touched by your own survival story and I agree with you that life is such a very precious thing. I love life and I certainly love living. However, you made choices for yourself and I feel that everyone has the right to decide when medical treatment should cease for themselves. While god has given man remarkable abilities in the medical field recently, I am not sure that god has given us the wisdom that is required to use or not use those abilities. Just because man can do something, is it really wise that he does do it? Case in point is cloning and stem cell research. Life is so much more than just a heart beat and breathing. It is the feel of the sun on your face. It is the smell of the grass on a summer day. It is the sound of autumn leaves crunching under foot. It is the giggle of a small child. It is the total experience of it that makes life so very precious, and worth the trials, tribulations and heartaches we go through each and every day. That Mrs. Terri Schiavo did not write down her wishes is a tragic shame. However, she did make her wishes known to her husband and others. The man has nothing to gain from lying about this. I don't belive that he is. We as society should not interfere. Society is far to fickle to make this individual and personal decision. This womans fate is being politicized in the media and congress in ways that disgust me. Society accepts that if an animal were in the same condition as Mrs. Schiavo it would be inhumane to prolong the poor animal's life. Why should Mrs. Schiavo be treated with less compassion. I for one would not want to be. While some argue that god has chosen to keep her alive thus far, I think it is man that has done this. Man (with her husband's consent) placed the feeding tube in her, not god's hand. There came a time that Terri Schiavo's doctors told her family there would never be any hope or improvement in her condition or quality of life such as it was. If man had not interfered in the first place then god would have granted her peace years ago. When my Mother was dying of lung cancer she/we decided not to go on with chemo after 2 treatments because it made her existance unbearable. The cure was worse than the disease, the treatments were killing her. She was truly miserable. We took Momma home where she then spent about another 2 months living happily enjoying her home, her yard, her husband, her kids, her grandkids and her friends. My sister and I took off work during this time to spend time with and care for her at home. There came a point when she slipped beyond being aware or able to eat and drink on her own. Doctors were never asked to insert a feeding tube into her. I pray to god that I did the right thing. I have a certain peace in my heart that tells me I did.
Warren Baker
Travelers Rest, SC
Posted by: Warren at March 20, 2005 10:35 AM