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January 24, 2006
One Tin Moonbat...
Billy Jack’s Crusade to End the War in Iraq
and Restore America to its Moral Purpose
Yes, Billy Jack is back, er, I mean Tom Laughlin is back and together with his sidekick Jean and lots and lots of your money, Billy Jack is going to save the world! Yup.
How can he do that, you ask? Well, in case you didn't know, Billy Jack is imminently qualified to save America and the rest of the World based upon his bad acting in a low-budget cult movie from 35 years ago. Yes, because that's how Hollywood works. It's true! Just ask Barbra Streisand and Mike Farrel.
So. Bad acting aside, what can we expect from Billy Jack this time around? Well, it seems Billy Jack has got a Plan. That's right, a Plan.
What is this Plan you ask?
Well, according to the "Official Billy Jack Website" Billy Jack has a plan to save the world, starting with Iraq:
Billy's Plan is... "a realistic, immediately doable Exit Plan - “Give back the Oil – Bring home the Troops” Plan - that will immediately end the insane daily flow of the blood of American heroes and innocent Iraqi civilian women and children, bring real stability and peace to Iraq, and bring our troops home immediately… not next year, but by Labor Day."
Wow, Immediately by Labor day? Yay! We're saved!
That's right kiddies, Billy Jack has a "New, Foolproof Strategy for Ending the Mess in Iraq" which is premised upon the “demon/Satan” Americans" (that would be us) getting out of Iraq and forcing "a coalition from Russia, China, France etc." to take over the rebuilding of Iraq and Afghanistan. Iraq of course, will pay them for the rebuilding effort with oil! That's right! Forget about Oil for Food and bring on Oil for Reconstruction! That Billy Jack is a genius!
Now how does this Plan come about? Well, there are steps to be taken:
First Step: The first step involves checkbooks, your checkbooks, as Billy Jack and Jean need $500,000 of your money to
... implement "The National Ad Campaign" presenting a series of 6 full-page ads, each one presenting a different overwhelming reason no one can refute that will immediately end the bloodbath in Iraq, and by replacing our troops with non-hated coalition forces, bring all Americans home by Labor Day.
Oh and... "Donations are not tax deductible. There is not [sic] limit to the amount you can donate, and no donation is too small."
Billy Jack and Jean even have catchy slogans for us: “Give back the oil – Bring home the Troops” and “No more orphans for Halliburton Oil.” Both are original ideas that are sure to catch on!
Billy Jack is also armed with a poll of 341 Americans that "proves that once Americans learn of this “Give back the oil – Bring home the troops” Exit Plan, 92% of them want this Exit Plan enacted now."
Yes, you raed that correctly, that would be now, as in right now! Wow! Yes, "this survey proves that 92% of 341 Americans were passionate about demanding Bush enact this plan immediately, and will aggressively join in any protest marches, petitions or vigils to make it happen."
Thank G-d for polls, now we know that Billy Jack's plan willl work, of course it will! 312 Americans say so! Okay. Now, one to the next step...
Second Step: A 10 Million Person Rally and Vigil. That's rigjht. a Rally and a Vigil. Now there's a unique concept...
Because these ads have made mainstream America aware there is a way to end the war in Iraq immediately - stage a 10 Million Person National Vigil & Protest Rally in Washington DC, and a hundred similar protest marches and vigils in 100 cities and towns all across America to pressure Congress to force Bush and Cheney to give up their Iraq oil colony, enact an Exit Plan stopping the flow of American blood and bringing our troops home.
Oh goodie. A rally means SIGNS!
Third Step: The Third Step is... well...
A public nationally televised Hearing conducted not by a panel of politicians and political appointees, but by a panel of victims of the war, with FBI, CIA Agents, Military, involved State Department officials, Veterans of the war, Guardsmen, Reservists and their families, including innocent Iraqi civilian women and children - to make it impossible for Congress, Bush and Cheney to refuse to adapt the Exit Plan to “Give back the oil – bring home the troops.” The People’s Investigative Committee.
Wait, don't laugh, it could happen! He's Billy Jack remember? He will make it happen, with his feet maybe. In the movie Billy Jack, they said he can kill you with his feet. But don't worry, that was a long time ago and Billy Jack is a pacifist anyway and that means he doesn't like killing, even with his feet. And he's what, seventy years old? Presumably his feet killing days are over. But in the past Billy Jack could kill you. With his feet.
Fourth Step: The fourth step involves money, money and more money to...
Build the Billy Jack website into a national and international internet power to instantly raise consciousness all over the world about demanding an end to the war, continuously guide the program and coordinate the volunteers, raise the money needed for the ad campaign and the new film, the Protest Rally and the open Hearing …
Yes, with your money, Billy Jack's Blog will...
... become “the” authoritative source exposing the behind the scenes corruption and destructive acts of both Parties and Bush’s Administration, especially regarding Iraq.
Yes. In his own words, Billy Jack plans on....
Following in the steps of those great landmark websites, like Howard Dean’s Campaign, MoveOn.org, People for the American Way et al, that by showing how to raise money from the “little guy” on the internet, made free speech and true democracy available to the American people as no other political tool had done before.
For Tom's most up-to-date blogs, click here.
Oooops. Billy Jack's, er, I mean Tom's Blog hasn't been updated since April of 2005, that's not exactly up-to-date now is it? But then again, that's probably because you little guys on the internet haven't sent him any money. Come on people, cough up, Billy Jack needs more money. Lots of money, as much money as MoveOn.org and the DNC. So send Billy Jack some money right away because you won't want to miss this:
This blog will present a series of unique, unusual and often controversial exposés and insights covering the field of politics, religion, spirituality, psychology, dreams, sexuality (Sex vs. Eros), film, etc., accompanied by some truly effective healing solutions.
Send Billy Jack some money so the can healing begin! Woo Hoo!
Step Five: Step five is what I am sure America and the rest of the world have been anxiously awaiting for the past 35 years - another Billy Jack Movie!!!!! Yes, that's right. And, break out the checkbooks again, because according to the NY Times: "... Mr. Laughlin and Ms. Taylor are planning to bring their characters back to the big screen with a new $12 million sequel, raising money from individuals just as they did to make their films three decades ago."
The most powerful weapon of all - A brand new Billy Jack film -- BILLY JACK'S CRUSADE to End the War and Restore America to its Moral Purpose by the only way possible - Impeaching Bush and Cheney. A worldwide network of the new Billy Jack film premieres on the same day to give the biggest megaphone ever to those who want to end the war, bring true peace, freedom and democracy to Iraq, and stop the dismantling of our Constitution
Wow! The New Billy Jack Movie is gonna be the most powerful weapon of all, presumbably more powerful than even Billy Jack's powerful killer feet! It will be so powerful that it will probably impeach Bush and Cheney right there in the movie man! Like wow. He could do it! He's Billy Jack! But wait! There's more!!!
Just as the original Billy Jack, Billy Jack’s Crusade will be a non-stop powerful melodrama. Billy Jack and Jean will be “Obewon Kenobis” passing down their wisdom and mantle to a younger Billy Jack and Jean, and today’s idealistic rebels struggling against all of the enormous pressures assaulting young people today. Think of Forrest Gump whereby Forrest appears on screen and talks with John Kennedy, and you’ll get a hint of how real this unique film will be.
OMG!!! I am like, so, like psyched!!! Obewon Billy Jack and Obewon Jean! Idealistic Rebels struggling! Forrest Gump and John Kennedy together at last! Wow! But wait! There's more!
There are 5 other more controversial themes in the film -- 5 more powerful, insightful, and more important themes than the political theme, including 4 highly emotional, exciting love stories that focus on the human dimension. Like the original Billy Jack, it is an uplifting “10-handkerchief” tearjerker!
Billy Jack and Jean and Obewon Kenobi! Five themes even more important than poliitcs! Four love stories! Love and impeachment! Wow! Of course, there's more:
A key ingredient of the original Billy Jack was Billy teaching how to become a real man, and Jean on how to become a real woman in highly dramatic and emotional scenes. The new Billy Jack will do the same for today’s youth.
Oh teachings! Billy Jack and Jean teachings! Wow!
Wait. What are Billy Jack and Jean teachings? Well...
What is a real man? and What is a real woman? and... The difference between Sex and Eros. and... Why are 30% of 13-year olds giving oral sex once a week? and... Government contractors lie about the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste dump. and... How to become a woman and stop being an “MT” (masturbation tool). and... The root cause of sex and violence. and.... Major wars caused by leaders needing to prove they were real men. and....Major reason President Johnson escalated in Vietnam. There will also be: Humanitarian and Environmental Themes. and... Psychology & Religion. and... Billy Jack's "Manifesto" - "Book" of Principles and Proverbs
Something for everyone! I guess we should just be grateful that they're not teaching us how to be a good actor.
To sum up, Billy Jack and Jean have all the answers to all of the world's problems and if we send them lots of money, they will teach us everything we need to know, Obewon Kenobi style, in the New Billy Jack Movie! Whew. Horray for Hollywood!
All this leaves me with one burning question, which charity will Billy Jack and Jean endow with the proceeds from the movie? The website didn't say...
Posted by LindaSoG at January 24, 2006 03:30 AM
Comments
I can think of a few things I'd like to send em....
Posted by: Aren G. at January 24, 2006 04:27 PM
From Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide:
(The Trial of Billy Jack) "Further adventures of Mr. Peace-through-Violence prove that Laughlin is the only actor intense enough to risk a hernia from reading lines."
Posted by: EveningStar at January 24, 2006 05:22 PM
Hi Aren!
I can only imagine what those things are! heh. What a ridiculous thing they are doing.
Thank you for visiting and for commenting.
Posted by: LindaSoG at January 24, 2006 09:21 PM
Mr. Peace-through-Violence really hits the nail on the head, ES.
I just hope we don't have suffer through a kodak moment featuring mother sheehan clamped on Billy Jack's back.
Posted by: LindaSoG at January 24, 2006 09:23 PM
Funny thing, Linda. I really enjoyed the first Billy Jack movie, The Born Losers. I saw it when it first came out. A few years later I saw Billy Jack and was not impressed. I didn't see The Trial of Billy Jack or Billy Jack goes to Washington. However I did see The Master Gunfighter on free TV. It makes Plan 9 from Outer Space look like Citizen Kane.
Posted by: EveningStar at January 24, 2006 10:26 PM
Ya know, ES, I really liked the first one too, I didn't see any of the sequels.
I was so young and impressionable, I knew nothing about what the real world was like back then.
Posted by: LindaSoG at January 25, 2006 09:40 PM
You're not old enough to have seen The Born Losers when it first came out, Linda. That was 1967. :)
Posted by: EveningStar at January 25, 2006 11:12 PM
Ha! You're right, I meant the movie titled Billy Jack, silly me, I thought it was the first Billy Jack movie.
I've never seen The Born Losers.
Posted by: LindaSoG at January 25, 2006 11:17 PM