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July 02, 2007
Voyage of the Rubber Duckies
10 JANUARY 1992: Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean nearly 29,000 First Years bath toys, including bright yellow rubber ducks, are spilled from a cargo ship in the Pacific Ocean.
16 NOVEMBER 1992: Caught in the Subpolar Gyre (counter-clockwise ocean current in the Bering Sea, between Alaska and Siberia), the ducks take 10 months to begin landing on the shores of Alaska.
EARLY 1995: The ducks take three years to circle around. East from the drop site to Alaska, then west and south to Japan before turning back north and east passing the original drop site and again landing in North America. Some ducks are even found In Hawaii. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) worked out that the ducks travel approximately 50 per pent faster than the water in the current.
1995 - 2000: Some intrepid ducks escape the Subpolar Gyre and head North, through the Bering Straight and into the frozen waters of the Arctic. Frozen into the ice the ducks travel slowly across the pole, moving ever eastward.
2000: Ducks begin reaching the North Atlantic where they begin to thaw and move Southward. Soon ducks are sighted bobbing in the waves from Maine to Massachusetts.
2001: Ducks are tracked in the area where the Titanic sank.
JULY TO DECEMBER 2003: The First Years company offers a $100 savings bond reward for the recovery of wayward ducks from the 1992 spill. To be valid ducks must be sent to the company and must be found in New England, Canada or Iceland. Britain is told to prepare for an invasion of the wayward ducks as well.
2003: A lawyer called Sonali Naik was on holiday in the Hebrides in north-west Scotland when she found a faded green frog on the beach marked with the magic words 'The First Years'. Unaware of the significance of her find she left it on the beach. It was only when she was chatting to other guests at her hotel that she realised what she had seen.
And now they are heading straight for Britain. At some point this summer they are expected to be spotted on beaches in South-West England.
Sorry, but I really like stories like this. Go duckies Go!
Posted by LindaSoG at July 2, 2007 01:15 PM
Comments
Nice silly break from the serious stuff Linda.
Posted by: Rene at July 2, 2007 08:18 PM
• * * * * A PATHE NEWSREEL RELEASE * * * * *
Dateline: Anchorage, Alaska. A FLOTILLA of little yellow rubber duckies has assaulted the windswept shores of Alaska, and the halibut fishermen are up in arms over the latest naval blockade from an unknown foreign power. Some say Admiral Big Bird of the Sesame Empire is probing America’s Northern Pacific defenses, while others speculate on the strange similarities between the yellow aviary navy’s likeness to Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“Dude, it’s like, these ducks things, they quack just like the Russian! Ya know, that’s like, all I need to hear. My mind’s totally made up on, like, this thing.”
Meanwhile, correspondents from the Atlantic have problems of their own…
Dateline: Nova Scotia, Canada. THOUSANDS OF diminutive yellow aquatic birds sporting menacing looks toss and bobble upon the tumultuous waves crashing across the shores of this Maritime province, while onlookers from coastline villages gape in horror at what surely must be the first assault upon the Canadian homeland. Young children clutch frantically at their mothers’ aprons, while dumbfounded fathers tug at their briar pipes and cast sidelong glances at each other. The townsfolk have remains stoically calm so far, but anxieties arise anew when it is pointed out that this usually peaceful island community has not been so afflicted by an onslaught of this magnitude since the Great Mosquito Influx of 1877. Burgermeister Angus Brewster MacLean of the Greater Nova Scotia Chamber of Commerce was so affected by the sight of the yellow horde, that he dropped his cigarette lighter and hesitated so long before retrieving it that it was nicked by one of the local youth. Federal authorities have been called in to investigate. If the lighter is not retrieved, developments may precipitate a by-election.
BUT IT IS NOT ONLY THE AMERICAS WHICH QUAKE IN HORROR…
Dateline: Firth of Forth, Scotland. LONG KNOWN for its independence and frugality, this tiny Scottish town can only scratch its Tam-O-shanter-covered head and wonder why it has been overrun by a multitude of yellow floating likenesses of Daffy Duck. When pressed for a comment, few Scots could shed light on the horrific sea-borne phenomenon, but some tried:
“Ye knew, Angus, they’s gen te be hoondred, mebe thousands of their loikness awash in the inlets oov our na-shun. Un yet, ools all ah ken say is that, They may tayk oor loives, bet they’ll never teyk away oor freedoom!”
Upon conclusion of these prophetic words, Donal Morrison MacAlistair was escorted back to the bar of the Goose & Cranberry, where he was promptly kicked in the sporran by the barmaid, Mary Unsworth MacGivvery, rumored to be, at one time, his fiancée. Mr. MacAlistair is currently clutching at his knackers and writhing in evident discomfort.
AND SO WE MOVE ON TO…THE FRIGID COASTS OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE!
Dateline: Murmansk. GREGORI AND SERGE are normally quite content to tip a bottle of vodka and keep their hands warm next to the coal-fired furnaces of this ancient and bustling shipping port, long a stronghold of our old foe, Commie Joe! But today, faced with a rising yellow tide of rubber duckies, our erstwhile commie comrades find themselves jumping for cover in preparation for what must be an assault of unprecedented strength. Not since the Persians landed at Thermopolye have so few scrambled so fruitlessly to avoid so much plastic! Coming to the fore to meet his latest nemesis of the seas is Rear Admiral Fyodor Stepanovich Kovalev, the man with eyes made of ship’s steel. Approached for his reaction to the oceangoing threat to the Rodina (which is what these commie bastards call their motherland, as if any of them actually have mothers, but I digress), Admiral Kovalev merely slapped our correspondent and took a long pull from a bottle of a bottle of Stolichnaya and burbled something incoherent before falling to the ground. SO MUCH FOR OUR ALLIES IN THE EAST, I SAY.
AND THAT IS THE NEWS FROM THE PATHE NEWSREEL!
Posted by: Kevin M at July 2, 2007 09:01 PM
LoL! Too cute!
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 2, 2007 09:11 PM
Really cute and interesting!
Posted by: linda at July 3, 2007 04:28 PM
Ya see? It's not just Islamofascism that can rivet the world with anxiety and fear. Give a journalist a microphone and a story to spin and everybody's up in arms. I'm just sorry I couldn't weave global warming into my idiotic little tale.
I've got waaaaaay too much time on my hands.
Posted by: Kevin M at July 3, 2007 10:30 PM