Something... and Half of Something

I'm a dad so I can assure you that he will always love you. I would even bet that he thinks of you every day.

Religion should be a guide to better living instead of what is sometimes degenerates into. I have a cousin who acts live your dad. Everyone else just ignores him when he gets into his religion mode.

Linda, I can only imagine the pain that you are feeling and how difficult it must have been to write and open your heart in this post. However, the reality is, and thankfully, I don't know this pain.

What I do know is that you are a good person doing good things. Your attempts at reconciliation and positive feelings towards your father speaks volumes about who you are. Hashem sees all and knows all and hopefully that provides you some comfort.

Linda, I'm so sorry.

I thoroughly agree with Les's second paragraph. You have our support and prayers.

Linda..I have no words of solace. I wish I did because I know this is a rough day in your life. I'm sitting here today missing my dad (an ex-marine also!) and my kidz stepfather. Both have died and were fabulous men and fathers. I just know your pain is much worse...because I feel it through your words.

Take care of You!

Gary, I know you're right, my Dad does love me and its because of that love that he does what he does.

Thank you Les and Thank you Kevin, your kind words make the day a little easier to get through.

Hang in there with me Dammit Woman, I'm sure your pain is no less than mine.

The day is almost over, I'll allow myself this day, just this one day, to wallow in feeling bad, but tomorrow, that's over and I can go back to my normal self.

You are right! We should allow ourselves one (1) day to mourn our losses.............then pick ourselves back up and embrace what we "do" have. I just find that holidays (whatever ones they are) are more difficult and lonely when you are flying "solo."
Let each of us embrace our higher poower and rejoice!

You are NEVER flying solo as long and me and the boys are around. We love you. You are amazing. Sigh - you know, I understand. mwah

You are NEVER flying solo as long and me and the boys are around. We love you. You are amazing. Sigh - you know, I understand. mwah

Linda,

We want to be able to say we said and did everything we wanted to do with our parents before they go. Unfortunately, you can only do your part and you can't make them do what you want, any more than they can make you do what they want.

You can only let them know you love them. You may not like what they do, but you love them just the same.

In the end, when they leave, you know you gave them your love. That's all anyone really wants.

Linda, I'm estranged from my daughter so I have some experience in this area. It's tough and I've tried on numerous occasions to reconcile but she will have a lifelong chip on her shoulder and I will no longer make any attempts to get together. One thing you need to know is that Terry and I will always be here for you and don't ever forget it. K?

Oh, but that was painful. Revealing, intimate and open, I must thank you for sharing that with all. With your dad, as with everyone, Linda, you must accept him as he is. Obviously, you have.

Sunday was my 18th Father's Day without my father. He was my best friend... although we butted heads many, many times. We were quite different in lots of ways, and I liked to point that out rather often... as if to poke at him and suggest my ways were superior. I think my motivation was the deep down knowledge that we were also very alike in many more ways.

You have to decide how large the gap is between yourself and your dad, Linda. You set that distance, allow and accept behavior unappealing... or not. As long as you both live that is your choice, but no longer thereafter.

I hope you can find the tolerance to share and enjoy the things you love, miss and admire... while separating that which you don't. It is a tough balancing act. It may not be possible in person. It may not be possible all the time. It also may not be possible at all. But make sure you know the answer to that... while you still have time remaining.

In many, many ways, I waited too long. Thank you so much for allowing me to hear your story, and in turn moving me to remember my own.

My oldest daughter was crushed by me, when my wife and I divorced over twenty years ago. Crushed in part, because I was too young to understand how the separation would affect her. She would run away when I came to pick her and the rest of the kids up for a weekend with me. In turn I was rewarded with being crushed.

I never forgot though I did forgive our decisions to do what we both did, in response to the pain from that time. I had let her go and was forced to remain at bay. Being in her life was not an option I could choose. I will always remember one particular day as I sat in the yard of my ex (we all get along great --- now) having a beer with Jodi's step-dad, whom she'd never accepted.

I had just returned from one of my trips to Japan in 99. As per usual, I was dropping off gifts for all the kids (no grands at that time) and expecting them to show up at their Mom's that Saturday for a barbecue, as we had begun a new normal for my summer exits from Japan and spend time together. The boys were there and so was the youngest daughter, who was always the last one to arrive. We were all talking and waiting for the coals, having a few brews when I saw my daughter's reflection in the patio door, walking across the yard in our general direction. ( my youngest cat just made an odd sound, perhaps to match the one she heard from me, as this is the first time I've ever written this and thought openly about it, it chokes me up. Cat sounded like she said "really" and I laughed one hah, softly out loud. Cats are weird!)

She continued to walk my way it seemed, with her husband in tow. As she got closer, my one son who was always able to keep a sekrut for at least three or four minutes, was about as subtle as a thirty foot neon sign on a sticky hot August night saying FREE COLD BEER. (Odd to me how his mom could never tell when he was lying but, maybe his weakness for display was something between he and I) I stood up and turned to face her and MY. DAUGHTER. WAS. PREGNANT!!! I looked past her at her husband and said "Jaaaaaan! Did you have something to do with this?!"

I could hear people behind me trying to remain composed and not laugh, as I watched John go into blinker mode. He wanted to deny it but, he didn't know why. After-all he is her husband and had been for nearly two years. (not that fear played a role in his static reply - we had a single, short, one way chat, when he began to date my daughter five years prior to that - he understood. You could tell because his head was going up and down in a resounding yes, like a bobble head doll strapped on the hood of SK's jeep runnin over stoopud hippies!)

He was still hovering around catatonic when she and I embraced for the first time in nearly ten years..........no words........only breathing through tears of joy and within this heart of mine, a mighty hallelujah wanting desperately to get out! How I had longed for that chance, that one shot to get it right. I would have a treasure unmeasured! I did and I do.

I peered over her shoulder and stuck my paw out towards Jon. As we shook hands, I said "Congratulations on honoring our agreement and this.", and he said "You too."

Jodi and I stood inseparable for a very long time, rocking to and fro. Finally I eased up my grip saying something about crushing our futures and she laughed. Through tear bled eyes, she said with a smile, "Now let me explain to YOU the rules!" HAAAAAA! "That's my Jo!" I shouted out loud...........

I don't know how to explain the connections between daughters and fathers. As with any alive or not, it will take the chemistry of both to be what it needs to be. I can't say what is in the future for mine or anyone else. Time and understanding, with a willingness to accept even polar positions were key for us. I was forced to forget emotion and things I could not change. She said she just wanted to live without hate but I think there was much more. Now we have the chance to be united as a father and daughter ought to be. For that, I am indeed a rich man.