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July 08, 2008
Show and Tell
Did you know I had brain surgery? Yep. I did, 10 years ago.
Some of you might have read about it, but maybe not since I've only posted about it a few times over the years. They removed a rather large tumor, it was about the size of a man's fist. It was also - Thank G-d - in my meningies (the tissue between the brain and the skull and known as a meningioma), it was not in my brain so they didn't have to dig and, it was completely benign. But, since I ignored the headaches and other symptoms for a long, long time, by the time they found it, it was too big for anything other than surgery.
I don't like to talk about it all that much (although there are more than few funny stories) but I will say this, brain surgery sucks. I don't recommend it.
The surgery was on March 4, 1998, and they told me then that the tumor could come back, but with every year that passed, it was less likely, and after ten years, unlikely.
Well. Last year, just as I was thinking I was home free, the headaches started again, and the blurry vision, which I ignored, as is my habit. But, while I can live with headaches, after a bit, the blurry vision made me nervous.
So, I visited the doctor, who sent me for a half-assed MRI, without contrast (dye) which... turns out... renders the MRI useless for us brain tumor people. In other words, it showed nothing. So... then I went to a neuro opthalmologist, who decided I have dry eyes and that's why my vision was blurry, and the blurry vision was why my head was hurting. He sent me home feeling foolish and loaded down with eye drops.
And... time goes by, the blurry vision still comes and goes and the headaches still come and go and I use my drops and stumble ever onward and forward. Then... the back of my head where they went in starts feeling funky when I brush or wash my hair, doesn't hurt but feels funky, weird, but I don't want to deal with it so I ignore it and... the headaches come more often and they're more intense and they last longer and so does the blurry vision. The computer kinda bothered me and I found myself using it less and less, keeping this place going began to be difficult.
So... a couple-few weeks ago I had my hair done and when the girl was washing my hair she pressed right there on the back of my head and I almost came out of my chair. It hurt and this during a headache that was hanging around for a couple of days. The headache stuck around for over a week and finally, I called the neurosurgeon. I had the heavy duty MRI early last week and saw the doctor last Thursday.
See that shiny thing shaped like a comma? Oops. I read that wrong. Let me try that again...
See that little black blob under the shiny thing shaped like a comma? Well, that my friends, is a tumor and all the rest of the stuff you see there is my brain. If you've ever doubted that I had one, well, doubt no more!
Yep. The tumor is back, dammit and I'm pretty pissed off. I was so darn close to that ten year mark!
I guess in my heart, I knew it was back last year, but I wasn't prepared to deal with it. I'm not sure I am now, but then, I don't have much choice in the matter, do I?
Thankfully, there is good news with the bad news. First, its re-growth, not a new tumor. That means we know what we're dealing with. Second, and probably the best news, its not cancerous (meningiomas rarely are). And third, its small enough so that they are not recommending surgery this time. Good thing too, because brain surgery is something I am not ready to deal with. Once was enough.
The doctors believe it can be treated with radiation and I'm going to experience first hand the modern medical wonder that is the Cyberknife, with the goal being to stop its growth and maybe even shrink it a little.
If the doc had recommended surgery, I would likely be going out of my mind. There are contradictions and risks with radiation, but I'm ready and willing to take those risks rather than have surgery. Radiation is non-invasive, fast, painless and out-patient, it requires no hospital stay (I hate being the patient). It won't make me vomit and I won't go bald. The Cyberknife sounds like a cake walk compared to brain surgery. Treatments will likely be over the next month or so and hopefully, they'll work.
I'm fortunate to have a team of doctors that are some of the best in the country, I have friends and family to help me and other than the tumor, I'm in good health. It should come out just fine.
So. Hang in there with me, please, and if you're so inclined, prayer is always appreciated.
If I'm absent a bit over the next month or so, now you know why, but don't worry. I may miss a day or two, but I'll always be back. Glowing a little perhaps, but I'll be back.
Posted by LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 12:01 AM
Comments
Please give your Hebrew name so I can daven for you.
blessings for a refuah sheleimah.
michal
Posted by: michal at July 8, 2008 12:46 AM
Linda, you are and will remain in my prayers!
Posted by: Melissa In Texas at July 8, 2008 12:53 AM
Linda, I read you often and almost never comment, but please be well. I am taking care of my mom who has stage 4 small-cell lung cancer right now...you are a precious resource in the blogosphere, so do what you need to, stitch up, and come back to us blazing. Thanks for all that you do.
Posted by: skh.pcola at July 8, 2008 12:53 AM
Linda, sorry to hear about the return of the tumor. You have a constant flow of prayers from me for a successful treatment and speedy recovery. Yes, I can see that you have a brain and from reading your blog I know that you have a big heart too.
I, like many others, am still trying to figure out why bad things happen to good people. What I do know is that your voice needs to be heard for a long time and Hashem is there with you all the way. Continue to take care of yourself and I look forward to reading your blogs as you are able to post them and especially for an item from you that everything went better than expected with a clean bill of health.
Posted by: Les at July 8, 2008 01:17 AM
All my love, girl. You're in my prayers. I'm so glad you caught it earlier this time and you won't have to go through the surgery again.
Posted by: caltechgirl at July 8, 2008 01:50 AM
Best of luck Linda, and keep us posted.
RG
Posted by: RightGirl at July 8, 2008 01:57 AM
B"H Michal
My Hebrew name is Maita Leah.
Its very kind of you to daven for me, thank you so much!
Linda
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:14 AM
Melissa, I hope you know how much I love you! Thank you!
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:16 AM
skh.pcola, its so nice to hear from you, thank you so much for the kind words. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom, I hope she will be well.
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:19 AM
You'll be in my prayers too Linda. I'm sorry you have to go through this and glad its not surgery.
Posted by: rene at July 8, 2008 07:24 AM
Thanks for sharing your Hebrew name.. You're now on our shul's list... Of course we're all hoping it won't be there for very long.
Posted by: oceanguy at July 8, 2008 07:27 AM
Thank you Les! I do believe that Hashem is with me, and that things will go well. Your prayers are appreciated.
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:31 AM
Caltechgirl, RG! Gosh, I miss you both, more than you can know! Thank you for being here for me!
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:38 AM
Thank you Rene! You've been coming here for so long, I feel that you are part of the family. Your prayers are very appreciated!
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:43 AM
Oceanguy! Thank you! and don't worry, we'll be on some roller coasters as soon as I can manage the headaches.
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 07:45 AM
Linda, you will be in my prayers every day. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this again.
Beth and John Donovan
Posted by: Beth Donovan at July 8, 2008 07:52 AM
Prayers, and lots of them. May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Posted by: sierrahome at July 8, 2008 08:06 AM
Linda, my prayers join the flood of love I read here for you.
The device is fascinating and a wonderful option over regular surgery.
Posted by: mech at July 8, 2008 08:54 AM
Hang in there. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted.
Posted by: c.a. Marks at July 8, 2008 08:56 AM
Linda - Prayers coming your way from bitter and clinging Appalachia! Keep up your spirits and know that all of your cyber-friends are lifting you up with prayer and best wishes.
Posted by: MCPO Airdale at July 8, 2008 09:23 AM
Linda,
I wish those who only know you from your blog could have heard you when you found out. Your fighting spirit came through and there is no doubt that Hashem is with you. The world needs one such as you and we are Blessed because we have you.
I'm asking my daughter to get you on her shul's list.
Maita Leah, I'm believing for your healing.
Posted by: Stepperg at July 8, 2008 09:38 AM
Will be keeping you in my thoughts!!!!
Posted by: Nicki at July 8, 2008 09:48 AM
That thing ain't no comma, Linda, it's a freaking crescent! The Islamosfascist mofos, it appears, targeted their most feared enemy -- only to be thwarted once again by Barn Army vigilance. Soon as you're ready, we're going on a mission!
Posted by: Rodger Schultz at July 8, 2008 09:51 AM
Thinking of, and praying for you. You'll do this. Blessings.
Wollf
Posted by: howlsatmoon at July 8, 2008 10:12 AM
Linda (my new friend),
Daily prayers will be sent to and for you. I have strong spiritual and Christian beliefs and will embrace them all on your behalf. You are strong (Thank God) and will get thru this and keep pissing people off (LOL). I mean, that's YOUR job, right?
Hugs!
Posted by: dammitwoman at July 8, 2008 10:26 AM
My love and prayers to you Linda. Although this is an unpleasant experience, there are people who are envious of your diagnosis and prognosis. (I say that having lost a friend to a very aggressive brain tumor.) I'm thankful at the moment because I know you'll be okay. Big hug.
Posted by: Stacy at July 8, 2008 10:34 AM
Linda,
Sven from the KisP'ers here. My mom had cyberknife surgery a few years ago to deal with a horrific condition: Trigeminal Neuralgia.
Amazing results.
We will be praying for you darlin'woman. God bless you and the surgical team's work.
HUGGS!...uhhh, gentle huggs, sorry.
Posted by: Sven in Colorado at July 8, 2008 12:10 PM
Greetings Linda,
Be assured of my prayers for you, and I'll enlist the help of Saint Perregrine, patron saint of those with cancer--he seemed to intercede when my father battled the prostate cancer. Please get well soon.
JH
Posted by: Rocketftc at July 8, 2008 12:35 PM
Linda, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, John 5
Posted by: John 5 (VN 69/70) at July 8, 2008 12:52 PM
Linda, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, John 5
Posted by: John 5 (VN 69/70) at July 8, 2008 12:52 PM
I am thinking about you. You are strong and God needs you here for now.
We need you here.
Posted by: Tommy Green at July 8, 2008 02:04 PM
I am thinking about you. You are strong and God needs you here for now.
We need you here.
Posted by: Tommy Green at July 8, 2008 02:04 PM
Sis, we are gonna kick that comma's ASS! love you!
Posted by: Laura at July 8, 2008 02:48 PM
Linda,
I don't visit often, but your words, strength and resolve always lift my spirit. My wife has added you to her church's prayer list (Southern Baptist - but can't hurt).
Posted by: B....... at July 8, 2008 03:14 PM
Linda,
I am sorry to hear you have to go through this again. My prayers are with you as are tons of best wishes. G_d will bless you with good health and the strength to endure this. Of that I feel confident.
I'm on the other coast but if there is something I can do to help, please let me know.
Posted by: Vilmar at July 8, 2008 05:36 PM
Hi Lady, Just added another prayer for you. Everytime I think of it I'll send another.
Posted by: MitchM at July 8, 2008 05:38 PM
I love you Linda and I am so glad you posted what is going on. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.
Posted by: Wild Thing at July 8, 2008 06:23 PM
Linda,
Just want to say that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: LisaK at July 8, 2008 06:41 PM
Refuah shleimah bimheyra! -- May you have a speedy and complete recovery!
Posted by: Aaron's cc: at July 8, 2008 07:03 PM
You are the 2nd person today who I have heard having a brain tumor. You are also in my prayers for a swift recovery.
I just read your bio page, I went to Ft. Hamilton Hs and went to New Utrecht for summer school. Left Brooklyn in 75 for the mountains.
Good luck and God bless.
Gerry
Posted by: Gbear at July 8, 2008 07:10 PM
Prayers on the way. I know that it will turn out ok Linda; your too tough to let it go any other way.
Posted by: Delftsman3 at July 8, 2008 07:17 PM
Even knowing about your previous surgery this still comes as a shock. All my prayers and best wishes Linda, I'm just glad you didn't wait any longer. Keep us informed, we love you!!!
Posted by: Jack at July 8, 2008 07:40 PM
I am simply... overwhelmed. I never expected such an outpouring of love and support. I don;t know what to say, or how to say it. I feel speechless, and that doesn't happen often.
I can’t even begin to tell each of you how much your words mean to me. Thank you, all of you, for your kind words and your prayers.
You have lifted my spirits and my resolve.
Thank you.
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 8, 2008 08:47 PM
Add me to the list of praying for you.
Not sure why you should be surprised-- you're a good person. It shines through your writing.
Posted by: Foxfier at July 8, 2008 09:41 PM
Linda,
You will be in all of our prayers here in the the upper plain states. G-d keep your capable hands on our friend and grant us a miracle.
Blessings from your Gentile fan.
Dan
Posted by: Dan at July 8, 2008 10:09 PM
Give that tumor what for!
And look into the possibility of them putting a little door back there, so that the brain elves can visit you in your sleep and take care of business.
Posted by: Keith at July 8, 2008 10:28 PM
Wishing you the best, Linda and praying for you.
Posted by: thumbelina at July 8, 2008 11:22 PM
Prayers up from the poor side of Texas.
Posted by: Peter at July 8, 2008 11:49 PM
Linda, I shall add you to my prayers for those friends and family members who need assistance. (You have already been included in my "Thank you, God, for..." prayers.)
May God strengthen and comfort you.
--Kevin
Posted by: Kevin K. at July 9, 2008 06:59 AM
Linda,
Get well soon. I'll be praying for you.
Shalom.
Posted by: 1911Man at July 9, 2008 07:08 AM
daily prayer for you sweetie
Posted by: Rodger Schultz at July 9, 2008 08:13 AM
Best wishes from the Garden State for a speedy, uneventful recovery.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at July 9, 2008 09:04 AM
Linda,
Prayers for comfort and sucessful treatment to you, via Hog On Ice.
Steve
Posted by: Steve at July 9, 2008 09:07 AM
The Cyberknife'll do ya great.Hang in there.
Posted by: Chris Muir at July 9, 2008 10:11 AM
Linda: So many people love you. WOW. You are indeed a rich woman. I am no surprised by the support but am overwhelmed at the love and support shown here. I love you.
Posted by: Laura at July 9, 2008 10:49 AM
Hi,
Interesting MRI. You should do well but best wishes for your recovery. If I might go kind of medical on you, I hope this will be helpful.
The white coma on the image is vasogenic edema due to irritation/compression of brain tissue by the tumor which is the round black thing behind it. the black stuff to the left of midline is irregular and most likely is scar from surgery or artifact. this appears to be a "flair" image which does not use contrast. The tumor usually will light up after contrast. Ask the radiologist who read the first MR to review it. Your abnormalities should be clearly seen and they should learn from this. If the first tumor was fist sized then your brain shows remarkable recovery without atrophy in the area of the tumor and there are not age related changes in there portions which appear as white areas on "flair" images. While the tumor and associated edema may explain some or all of your visual changes and headache, it will be interesting to see if they go away because the tumor is pretty small.
Again best wishes on a speedy recovery.
Posted by: smfish at July 9, 2008 01:12 PM
smfish, what you wrote is fascinating. The CD itself had a lot of different images and I was at home alone when I pulled that one off the disc. The doctor was specific about the shape of the tumor, he told me that because of the "tail" on it, I was better off with the CyberKnife then the Gamma Knife. I have the scans from the first tumor, and the tumor itself glowed clearly, based on his description and my memory of what he told me, I pulled that scan off the disc and posted it.
About the atrophy, I was horrified to see the post-surgery scans that showed a gap in my head where the tumor had been, and even more horrified when the doctor told me that it would likely remain that way. But, over the years, the follow-up scans showed the gap to be smaller each time.
The doctor also told me he was not sure the tumor itself was causing the headaches and the blurry vision but was at a loss to explain them otherwise. I guess time will tell and in the meantime, there will be eye doctors and neurologists in my future.
Thank you for stopping by and for commenting, and thank you for the good wishes.
Posted by: LindaSoG at July 9, 2008 01:55 PM
Get well and get blogging soon..our side needs you!
Posted by: thud at July 9, 2008 04:16 PM
Linda, bet ya never thought you had so many friends did ya? Be strong girl because we love you now and always.
Posted by: cuchieddie at July 9, 2008 07:26 PM
We love you Linda, you know we'll pray for you every day.
Am Yisrael Chai.
Posted by: Eric Staley at July 9, 2008 11:22 PM
damn it. I'm pissed too. If anyone ever deserved to be home free from this, its you.
Okay. We'll deal with it. Consider Kath on call, whatever you need, its only a phone call away. you can count on us to be there for you. We love you.
Posted by: me-sarge at July 10, 2008 07:58 AM
Linda, although I don't comment often on your blog, I always like what you have to say, and I admire your fighting spirit. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you get well soon.
Posted by: Lisa at July 10, 2008 03:20 PM
I will ask sweet Jesus, my Savior, to bless you in my prayers. Hope that's ok.
Linda, you have been a inspiration and such a good informed blogger. I've learned a lot from your words, also what a kind person you are.
(((HUGS)))
Posted by: Chevy Rose at July 10, 2008 07:00 PM
Mi Sheberakh
Avoteinu: Avraham, Yitzhak, v'Yaakov,
v'Imoteinu: Sarah, Rivka, Rachel v'Leah,
Hu yivarekh virapei
et haholah Maita Leah
HaKadosh Barukh Hu
yimalei rahamim aleha,
l'hahlimah,
u-l'rap'otah,
l'hazikah,
u-l'hay-otah.
lah bim-hera
r'fuah shlemah,
r'fu-at hanefesh u-r'fu-at hagoof,
b'tokh sh'ar holei Yisrael v’holei yoshvei tevel,
hashta ba'agalah u-vizman kariv,
v'no-mar, Amen!
Posted by: Chana at July 11, 2008 08:07 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this.
Yehee ratzon milfanehcha Hashem Elokay Velokay avotay, shetishlach mehera refuah shlema meen hashamayim, refuat hanefesh oorefuat hagoof.
Posted by: shira0607 at July 11, 2008 09:19 AM
Linda: I'm just a passerby--wishing you well and God's blessings for you.
Posted by: SurferDoc at July 15, 2008 02:15 AM
Linda, Had the cyberknife done on July 3. I actually fell asleep during the procedure. After words I spent 4hrs on the road to cabin up north. Had no problems with the cyberknife after effects. I have to wait until Sept for MRI and results,but am very confident the cyberknife will kill the tumors. I'm sure it will kill your tumor too.
I, like you new something was wrong but didn't want to admit it. I was drooling and biting my tongue and talking weird. The tumor was pressing on some nerves that controled my mouth. They gave me a steroid for swelling and all that went away. The steroid did screw with me, but it was all for the best. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I will be checking in to see how you're beating the tumor. Dick
Posted by: Dick at July 15, 2008 09:01 PM
LindaSog, so sorry to hear of the tumor. My prayers will be for you and your doctors. Get well soon, and rejoin the fight. We need you.
Posted by: mary at July 20, 2008 02:31 PM
Dear Linda,
You have been and will remain a matter for prayer. When I first saw this, I really couldn't force myself to run through to get the details, another good person with a bad problem. Thanking the Lord, seems I was wrong. As you note, a meningioma is not a good thing but all the alternatives are much much worse.
Rich Edwards
Posted by: baslimthecripple at July 26, 2008 10:55 AM
Linda...May God bless you. May He give you as many years as you desire. You will be in our prayers. The Lords of Flatbush...I like! God Bless you and yours!
Posted by: Marc at August 2, 2008 10:56 PM
Linda, you are dead meat !
Posted by: david at August 12, 2008 08:31 AM