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August 15, 2008
Whew. It's Done!
Well. Yesterday was an absolutely amazing day.
The early part went pretty much as planned. I arrived on time, they checked me in on time, and I got to use all my standard hospital jokes on a fresh new audience. Sadly, they didn't go over very well. When the nurse asked me if I had any allergies, I said, "only one, Gamma Knife" ha ha. Ha. and... did I have a preference for which arm to put the IV? as a matter of fact, yes I said, I did. Which arm he asked and I said, "yours!" ha ha ha, bada boom.
He chose my left arm and then he doped me up.
Funny thing about that, they had to give me a bit more dope than originally planned. The nurse told me later that although I appeared to be asleep, “those big blue eyes would not close.” My eyes followed every move he made but I was completely unresponsive to every question he asked. I just stared him down and made him so nervous that he finally just gave me some more until I closed my eyes and then he was able to get the frame screwed on okay. When he told me about it later, I said, "Yeah, well, I was trying to figure out why you didn't laugh at my jokes. You shouldda laughed!"
Speaking of screws, well, turns out that they weren’t so tiny after all, pen points, nope, more like sharpie markers - medium point, and under the hairline? Nope, try top of the forehead, just below the hairline. When I saw them coming out, I about had a heart attack and covered up my shock with a Bob Vila joke that didn't go over very well with the head nurse but at least the junior nurses had fun with it. Oh well. I don't know what the two holes in back look like since those are actually in the hair, but there are two holes on the top of my forehead. At least my hair covers them and they’re already healing, Believe it not, they don’t hurt. None of the holes hurt.
They don’t hurt because the entire top and back of my head is numb, according to the paperwork, its gonna stay that way, the back of the head for 3 or 4 weeks and the top for a little less, and that, my friends, is one funky feeling.
Out around noon turned out to be out around 1:45. 25 minutes of zapping turned into 45 minutes of zapping. They didn’t say, but I think it was because the 25 minute zapping estimate was based on the original July 3 MRI and by August 14, the tumor may just have gotten a little bigger. I don't know for sure, and I suppose it doesn't really matter now.
I was completely exhausted when I got home and starving. I was mildly queasy though, ate a little, and had to lie down, ate some more, then back to bed. Finally fell asleep and that was that.
It’s done, it didn’t hurt, no real side effects. I’m on some heavy duty steroids to reduce swelling and tylenol to keep my temp down, gotta check that periodically because they really heated my brain up with all that radiation. The ‘roids are supposed to cause some barfing but I haven't noticed that yet, but I am taking something at the same time to help and maybe that's why. I felt purty darn good today, just tired. I went to work, I was fine, but I left an hour early because I was so tired. I asked for a CD of the procedure, but forgot it when I left. Darn. I asked them to mail it, I hope it gets here soon.
Its going to take about three months for the radiation to do its job. I’ll have an MRI then to see and hopefully there will be nothing to see and Dr. Aizik Wolf will live up to his name.
Aizik in Yiddish means “He shall laugh” and so will I if the tumor is gone. Laughing sure beats crying any day of the week.
It was a very emotional day. Over the past months, you have all given me so much of yourselves, in words, and prayers, thoughts, hope, encouragment, messages, phone calls, and love, and support, it was enough, more than enough, more than I deserve and more than I can ever thank you properly for.
And today, this morning, I found that, as full as my gratitude cup already is, there is even more to be grateful for.
As I'm sure you can imagine, going through these things is difficult enough without having to worry about money, I was scared enough without worrying about going with a doctor out of network and how I was going to pay for the insurance shortfall, so I just did it, and in true Scarlett O’Hara tradition, I did it and thought, well, I won’t think about that now. I’ll think about that tomorrow.
I’ve paid quite a bit already, and borrowed some from the boss which I can pay out over time without interest, bless his heart. I’m expecting other bills to be rolling in over the next month. The basic game plan is to just work and pay, tighten the belt and just plow through it till its done.
On Wednesday night, as I lay in my bed, tossing and turning in anticipation of Thursday's Gamma Knife Surgery, my dear friends, Sondra at SondraK and Rodger at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical held a little fundraiser for me, bolstered by the efforts of my dear friend Wild Thing at Theodore's World and SteveH at Hog on Ice. Between them, they raised an amazing amount of money that will help me tremendously, I plan on splitting it up throughout the payroll deduction period when a large part of my income will go towards paying back my boss, which has to be done before the end of the year.
I can never thank all you enough for all the the support and kindness shown to me and for what you all have done for me during this difficult time.
I am so very grateful.
In the middle of all this, I received a message from a dear friend who said something like “I always wonder why bad things happen to good people.” And in reply I said something like, “Maybe this tumor happened to me so that I could know how very much I am loved, and if that’s true, then this tumor is worth it, this feeling is so tremendous, so overwhelming and so wonderful, it is truly a gift from G-d and one that I cannot help but be grateful for.”
I mean those words. Thank you, all of you, for being part of G-d’s gift to me.
Posted by LindaSoG at August 15, 2008 06:31 AM
Comments
Welcome back, ma'am. Good to hear all went well.
Posted by: The Watcher at August 15, 2008 08:08 PM
I'm so happy for you, it's good to have you back and thank you for sharing the experience with us. You truly are loved, welcome home Linda.
Posted by: Jack at August 15, 2008 08:09 PM
Welcome back. I am glad that everything went well.
Posted by: Stix at August 15, 2008 08:18 PM
Dear LindaS
I am so pleased to hear how the procedure went and amazed that you went back to work the next day.. Not sure I could have done that. You have such a great sense of humor, don't ever lose that. Come and visit us.
Posted by: Isis at August 15, 2008 08:33 PM
I'm so happy for you that the procedure went well...keeping you in my prayers!
Posted by: Toni at August 16, 2008 12:14 AM
Never know what to do or say when somebody's sick or hurt . . . even more so when they get better. Guess I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing or somethin, and generally try to avoid sayin anything.
Met a guy 'bout half a century ago who had finally capsulized everything down to two syllables. No matter whether good or bad, inspiring or discouraging, miraculous or disastrous, he said the same thing, and nothing more: "Stout heart."
I've begun to see the wisdom of his brevity.
Stout heart, Linda.
Posted by: ET at August 16, 2008 08:19 AM
Linder,
We've got your six, honey. Just hearing that you are feeling a little better and are encouraged warms my heart. Take care of yourself, follow the doctors orders, and don't push too hard for the next few weeks.
You are a very special lady and cyber soldier. Don't even think about the prayers for you stopping anytime soon. We will continue to throw good juju atcha.
Love,
Double Naught Eight
Posted by: Elvis at August 16, 2008 10:38 AM
Linda, you have such a huge part of my heart I am grateful every day I got to know you and to be friends is a gift I am given every day.
Posted by: Wild Thing at August 16, 2008 10:39 AM
Good news, Linda. So happy things went well for you. Take care of yourself... :-)
Posted by: thumbelina at August 16, 2008 12:16 PM
Can we make Frankenstein jokes now???
/runz away
Glad to hear the good news!
Posted by: Eric S. at August 16, 2008 06:15 PM
Great news and glad to see you back in full humor. You are amazing. As far as your head being numb, I think that we will all be feeling that way during and after the Democratic and Republican conventions.
Posted by: Les Slurzberg at August 17, 2008 01:17 AM
"Over the past months, you have all given me so much of yourselves, in words, and prayers, thoughts, hope, encouragment, messages, phone calls, and love, and support, it was enough, more than enough, more than I deserve and more than I can ever thank you properly for."
More than you deserve? You have a room full of folks here that will collectively tell you quite the contrary.
Properly thank? You are laying down one of those priceless jokes, again, Linda! You emerging from this, forever cured and healthy, is the very best thanks anyone could ever ask for. You will always be... deservedly... richly... blessed. HE holds your hand.
Posted by: Defiant_Infidel at August 17, 2008 01:40 AM
I am so glad it went well!
Posted by: caltechgirl at August 18, 2008 02:53 PM
Your humour is abundant and good Linda and was along with your faith, prayers and support of others very helpful in bringing you through. REally enjoyed the report and most of all the out come.
Many you live long and be well!
Prayers and Best Wishes,
LLoyd
Posted by: LLoyd at August 18, 2008 04:11 PM
Linda, I am so glad to hear that you came through this with flying colors. I know it will take time to see results, so I will be praying that your tumor is vanishing day by day.
Posted by: Melissa In Texas at August 18, 2008 08:08 PM