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October 12, 2008
Carrot Juice is Murder
Vegans of the world... starve!
ZURICH -- For years, Swiss scientists have blithely created genetically modified rice, corn and apples. But did they ever stop to consider just how humiliating such experiments may be to plants?
That's a question they must now ask. Last spring, this small Alpine nation began mandating that geneticists conduct their research without trampling on a plant's dignity.
...
"Unfortunately, we have to take it seriously," Beat Keller, a molecular biologist at the University of Zurich. "It's one more constraint on doing genetic research."
Dr. Keller recently sought government permission to do a field trial of genetically modified wheat that has been bred to resist a fungus. He first had to debate the finer points of plant dignity with university ethicists. Then, in a written application to the government, he tried to explain why the planned trial wouldn't "disturb the vital functions or lifestyle" of the plants. He eventually got the green light.
...
The rule, based on a constitutional amendment, came into being after the Swiss Parliament asked a panel of philosophers, lawyers, geneticists and theologians to establish the meaning of flora's dignity.
"We couldn't start laughing and tell the government we're not going to do anything about it," says Markus Schefer, a member of the ethics panel and a professor of law at the University of Basel. "The constitution requires it."
In April, the team published a 22-page treatise on "the moral consideration of plants for their own sake." It stated that vegetation has an inherent value and that it is immoral to arbitrarily harm plants by, say, "decapitation of wildflowers at the roadside without rational reason."
On the question of genetic modification, most of the panel argued that the dignity of plants could be safeguarded "as long as their independence, i.e., reproductive ability and adaptive ability, are ensured." In other words: It's wrong to genetically alter a plant and render it sterile.
I know you're wondering whatever can this mean for the seedless grapes but never mind that... there are greater concerns that the Swiss have failed to address:
It also begs an obvious, if unrelated question: For a carrot, is there a more mortifying fate than being peeled, chopped and dropped into boiling water?
The answer to that question can be found here, set to music, for your listening pleasure:
But wait! There's more:
"Where does it stop?" asks Yves Poirier, a molecular biologist at the laboratory of plant biotechnology at the University of Lausanne. "Should we now defend the dignity of microbes and viruses?"
Seeking clarity, Dr. Poirier recently invited the head of the Swiss ethics panel to his university. In their public discussion, Dr. Poirier said the new rules are flawed because decades of traditional plant breeding had led to widely available sterile fruit, such as seedless grapes. Things took a surreal turn when it was disclosed that some panel members believe plants have feelings, Dr. Poirier says.
Of course plants have feelings! And so do dirt and rocks, so watch where you step lest you cause pain and humiliation to the ground below you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go grind up some roasted abused coffee beans and then run them through some water that I have heated tortured over high heat until it steamed and bubbled in obvious agony. And then... well... then I'm going to drink it!
Posted by LindaSoG at October 12, 2008 08:41 AM
Comments
I am going to go annihilate some coffee beans myself. The grinder is running as I type.
This was the first thing I saw after waking!
It would be funnier if it wasn't so ridiculous and so true that the plants have been given rights!
Isn't this part of the same group who sanctions abortion? Talk about hypocrasy!
The boys singing the song made a great harmony, but screaming vegetables?
Good Night!
I listened very closely, as I poured the beans and started the grinder. I cannot hear the coffee beans scream, as the grinder is too loud.
DARN!
Posted by: Melissa In Texas at October 12, 2008 09:48 AM
That vid is hilarious. Don't eat meat. Don't eat veggies. The leftards are going to starve themselves out of existence.
Posted by: raz0r at October 12, 2008 10:28 AM
First they came for our pets.
Then they came for our meat.
Now they come for our vegetables.
Next, it will be water and air.
Numbskulls, all.
Posted by: The Watcher at October 12, 2008 11:29 AM
Well, somebody has to be on the side of democrats.
Posted by: ozaoB at October 12, 2008 03:23 PM
Oh, I have SO stolen that, text and all (saw the vid some months ago) and sent it to my standard e-mail addee group.
Posted by: ET at October 12, 2008 03:40 PM
I had to verify that the article was real and not the Onion! This is insane! HAHAHAHA
Now that veggies have the right to not be eaten, and so do animals....
Broccoli, celery, got to be -
Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales, Veggie Tales, Veggie Tales, ....
It is hard to sing on a blog. Darn.
Posted by: Bruce B at October 12, 2008 05:37 PM